MKE Week 1 – I Refuse To Miss The Train

I started journaling immediately after the first live webinar on Sunday the 27th. These are excerpts from my journal this week.

9/27 I just finished the week one live session and I couldn’t be overwhelmed…(Between the things I cannot readily locate, all the acronyms, not having a printer)…I feel the weight of the concrete that all of this is layered into. I want to do better, want to be better. * Today, I desire to be the best version of myself.*

9/28 today was a travel day, time for me to take stock of what’s ahead and what I need to do to facilitate compliance with homework, weekly and daily assignments. I refuse to get behind. I refused to squander this opportunity. * Today I refuse to allow my “muchness” to diminish. And do it begins.*

9/29 I scored 40 on the self-assessment. I’ve been reading, Part One, The Scroll as instructed, getting to the BPB. I’m sifting through to wrap my head around ALL THE THINGS! My entire life has been complicated by my slow reading, previously undiagnosed, ADHD and ASD. Feeling so overwhelmed I burst into wailing and my brain automatically goes into: “this is too much” and “you’ll never catch on or catch up!”… Too many steps! Too much information and too many different places is one of the things that entangles my brain. *Today I will get over it and move on! I just needed to be dramatic first!*

9/30 245a I’m feeling more calm and rational. I took a break…. I plowed through and caught up enough to ease my anxiety and doom. DMP draft #1 submitted, BPB written out… * THIS IS GOING TO WORK FOR ME, FOR I AM GOING TO WORK IT; BECAUSE FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!*

9/30 10p I get overwhelmed which causes extreme emotion and results in executive dysfunction. I was able to recover significantly quicker yesterday. I know I need to write things out to sort them for my brain. I feel quite an accomplishment as I was able to sit for 15 minutes today after reading part 1.

I received the email from my guide and I cried, not out of frustration as yesterday, rather out of a sense of relief, and knowing I made it onto THE TRAIN and it’s about to embark on THE JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME.

*Today, I will not look back for the path before me is beset with unimaginable wealth and I shall not miss one penny!

* ALL ABOARD!