MKE Week 1 – What Am I Doing?

Okay. I’ve had a very challenging week thus far, so the question I have been asking myself is, “I’m not sure if I should continue this or not?? Normally, it would be so easy for me to answer, “No!” and simply walk away, however my heart says, “Yes! You need to continue! You need to do this!”

Yet, that old, familiar voice I so often hear in my head; the same one that that keeps me in fear, stuck and going nowhere, has done nearly everything it could this week to keep me distracted, feeling overwhelmed and behind…

Even tonight, as I’m writing this, my Dog, Miss Lexie, has decided she does not feel well tonight, and is continually asking to go outside…and last night and this morning, a family situation going on, that I normally do my best not to get involved with, keeps my phone ringing, attempting to pull me deeper and deeper into something that I know that I cannot change on any level, yet 5 other people are now beginning to spiral into total chaos and even though I have made up my mind not to go there with any of them, as I don’t want to sink on the Titanic again, it’s still one of those things that is very challenging.

Yet, despite this, my heart is having me write this tonight, a few hours before the blog is due…

This week is simply a reflection of my life…so nothing is different. It’s just that this week I was very consciously aware of what was going on…which is a mixed blessing, or so it seems. I did manage to get something done today that I have been putting off for a very long time, so that was progress, however that does not make up for everything else I am behind on…

My age right now is also messing with my psyche, besides the fact that this it the first time in my entire life that I have been living on commissions only, so that has been a huge struggle and challenge in of itself because it brings up so much fear, so there’s a part of me that keeps asking myself, “What are you doing?” You know you don’t have extra funds to buy the ink required to print off the pages for this class!”

However, my heart keeps saying, “You need to do this!”

During this week, I have been aware and watchful of what is going on, and I can clearly see how much I need to do this. Yet, the fear and the battle going on within keep tugging at me…

Regardless, I will submit this blog, not even sure if I have done this correctly…because my heart is truly in this.